Lunchtime might be my favorite American pastime. So many yummy choices! It sucks to have lunchtime ruined by an unnecessary argument. Chick-fil-A stirred up quite the controversy recently with the closed-minded comments made by CEO Don Cathy against gay marriage. For our readers whose conscience no longer will allow them to enjoy a spicy chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese, slathered in Chick-fil-A sauce and a banana pudding milkshake to drink, allow me to be your guide through the world of guilt-free alternatives to Chick-fil-A fast food chicken sammich choices – available seven days a week.
Guilt-Free Alternatives to Chick-fil-A
Get your fix without the regret! I should know, because I’m an expert with a terrible diet. Full disclosure, I do not indulge in lettuce or tomato – a reasonable amount of mayo is all I want. Who needs salad on your chicken sandwich? Alas, there won’t be a Chilean spiced chicken sandwich from Los Pollos Hermanos on this list. But I bet it would taste DELICIOUS! Those only exist in our dreams, where Gustavo Fring still lives as a zombie. “Franch?” Yes please! Without further ado, here are my chicken sandwich power rankings, sans Chick-fil-A…
I put this one at 5 because this sandwich has the highest shame factor. As in, you shouldn’t eat this in front of other people. Feel free to use the term “shame sandwich” at your leisure. However, never use “Shamewich”, as I’m going to trademark that. This sandwich reminds me of my 40+ year old, 400 plus pound co-worker who lives in his mother’s basement à la Kevin Smith in Live Free Or Die Hard. He can slam two of these in one sitting. Two. He has gout. Gout.
This chicken sandwich is very good though, if you don’t care about dignity. Plus, it fits the needs of the carb counters out there. It features one of my favorite, and criminally underrated combinations of chicken and bacon. Bacon! Plus there’s two kinds of melted cheese, pepper jack and Monterey Jack, and the infamous “secret sauce.”
Bonus side item: Bacon is not enough for you, glutton?! I’d go with the Little Bucket Parfaits. Pudding is life!
4. Subway Oven-Roasted Chicken
This entry may come as a surprise, but with the right ingredients, it can be delicious. The chicken breasts themselves may have an “interesting” texture and flavor, but don’t let that frighten you. This is fast-food we’re talking about here – you have to expect some funk. I think it’s boiled, but definitely pre-cooked.
First of all, I recommend getting this sandwich on Subway’s flat bread. Lower carbs and less bloating afterwards. Don’t forget the bacon! It may cost extra, but it’s so worth it. Melted cheese is a must and since Subway never fucking has Swiss cheese, the second best option is Provolone. Finish it off with either mayo, ranch or Southwest sauce and you’re good to go.
Bonus side item: COOKIES! Only a $1.29 for three? Well, I’ll just have to eat three then, won’t I?
This is a favorite of mine that I only recently discovered. You can never have enough bacon and this is another sandwich that features the heavenly hog. Instead of a filet, this one features three chicken strips to go along with Texas Toast, melted cheese, mayo, nix the lettuce and tomato and BOOM! Sexy flavor explosion all up in your mouth. As a bonus, if you really want to replicate your Chick-fil-A experience, Sonic puts all of their sandwiches in foil pouches.
Bonus side item: It’s Sonic, what is there that you cannot get as a side? How about chili cheese tots with ranch? Tots! Fuck yeah! A slushy? A milkshake? Knock yourself out, that “2:30″ feeling doesn’t come on it’s own!
2. Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich
It pains me to bump this one down from pole position, because I have thoroughly enjoyed these over the years. In my youth, I could easily polish off two at a time. But, in order not to hasten heart problems and high blood pressure, I must only have one. Although Wendy’s has a nice selection of chicken choices, the spicy reigns supreme. It also pains me that the cost of this item has skyrocketed so much. Damn chicken inflation! This one also suffers from a high failure rate when it comes to quality filets. Sometimes you get juicy, sometimes you get chewy. I guess the cooks aren’t reading their massive employee handbooks. Seriously, the handbook is huge.
By the way, I’m terrified that skinny Wendy will sneak up on me like the twisted succubus she seems to be.
Bonus side item: Wendy’s chili is possibly the most amazing thing on planet Earth. It’s spicy, vegetably and meaty. They even give you hot sauce to add to it. Know what they do with the always fresh, never frozen meat they don’t use? That’s right, that’s the meat in the chili. Don’t forget the Frosty, yo!
1. Bojangles’ Cajun Filet Sandwich
I sincerely apologize if you do not have a Bojangles’ Famous Chicken ‘n Biscuits near you. That is indeed a tragedy. Google map it and daytrip that SOB. You’ll thank me later. I cannot begin to explain how crazy Bojangles’ has made me. I have the menu app downloaded to my iPhone. Bojangles’ (in my best Chris Traeger inflection) LITERALLY owns my soul. Nevermind the possibly RAYCESS moniker, this is THE chicken sandwich holy grail. Those of you who’ve been fortunate enough to have eaten at the legendary Mrs. Winners will recognize the similarities between their sandwiches and Bojangles’. This one is the simplest sandwich on the list, but loaded with flavor. Not nearly as spicy as Wendy’s, but with just enough zip and a buttery taste that is unmatched. Happy belly time!
Bonus side item: Seasoned medium steak fries! Holy shit!
Honorable mention: Homemade
You can just do it yourself (but who wants to do that?) and buy some chicken filets at the store, bread them and fry them in peanut oil. Peanut oil. That’s the big secret at Chick-fil-A, if you weren’t aware.
Leave your suggestions in the comments below to add to the conversation. How do you get your chicken on at lunchtime?
P.S. Ramakrishna and Goldfarb, I have no idea which one of these goes best with your micro brew. That’s up to you to decide.
*The above eating habits are not condoned nor recommended by Flapship.com. They are the opinion of the writer!
This is fucking hilarious! Oh, and fuck Chick-fil-A! BOOM.
I see the FlapShip brass is already distancing themselves from the insurance liability that I present.
We don’t want anyone blaming us for their heart attack or fried chicken addiction. Speaking of fried chicken, where is Popeye’s?
Good fried chicken, questionable chicken sandwiches.
The ultimate shame sandwich is the Krystal burger. Krystal is the southern version of White Castle. I won’t admit how many I can consume, but they sell a large amount in what’s called a “sack full.” Of course, they have mini chicken sandwiches too. They’re called “Chiks.”
What are some alternatives to Chick-fil-a?…
http://flapship.com/guilt-free-alternatives-to-chick-fil-a/ 5 good alternatives…
FUCK THIS ARTICLE AND FUCK YOU CHICK FIL A FUCKING OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNS
We are equal opportunity comment approvers. See?
How is the LGBT community’s treatment of Chick-fil-A in this issue different than the treatment Jewish people received from The National Socialist German Workers’ Party in Germany during the mid 1930s ?
I see a lot of parallels in the LGBT community’s actions today. The CEO of a company states he has a different opinion and belief because of his religious convictions and the group who is always promoting, and asking for, tolerance and understanding is now in full attack and punish mode.
Just who is denying who’s rights in this situation?
I assume you are not actually Jewish, because no Jewish person would ever compare the Holocaust to boycotting a restaurant. Furthermore I am going to pretend that you are not associating the Jews with Chik Fil-A, because unlike Chik Fil-A who decided to create an enemy when they simply could have said nothing, the Jews did NOTHING to the Germans.
1) No one on this site is asking that anyone’s rights be denied. Everyone has the right to their opinion, regardless of whether it is right or wrong. A boycott is a form of speech, they are expressing their opinion. If you do not want to buy from a Muslim, Jew or Christian, that is your right. You have the right to do whatever you want, but you also have to accept the consequences of your actions. Just like CFA must accept them.
2) Unlike the Nazi’s the LGBT community is not suggesting that the employees or owner of CFA be exterminated, nor are they being blamed for things that they had no association with. CFA brought this on themselves.
Your comments are way off base.
The Internet was founded on off-base comments!
“I assume you are not actually Jewish, because no Jewish person would ever compare the Holocaust to boycotting a restaurant.” ** I didn’t make that comparison, you did. You obviously don’t know your history regarding Germany in the mid 1930s. I suggest you do some additional reading before you express your erroneous views on this subject.
“No one on this site is asking that anyone’s rights be denied. Everyone has the right to their opinion, regardless of whether it is right or wrong. ” **Oh, right…, except for Dan Cathy or anyone who’s opinion with which you disagree.
“If you do not want to buy from a Muslim, Jew or Christian, that is your right. You have the right to do whatever you want” **You’re comparing religious expression to commerce? WTF?
“you also have to accept the consequences of your actions. Just like CFA must accept them.” **And just what “actions” did CFA take? The man just expressed an opinion that you don’t like.
“Unlike the Nazi’s the LGBT community is not suggesting that the employees or owner of CFA be exterminated” Again you seriously need to do some additional reading. History, and the actions of the Nazis that opened the door to the Holocaust, are really not your strong points.
And by the way, my Dad was among the 1st American troops in WW2 to free the victims of the Nazi death camps, so you can K.M.A. and keep that Holocaust comparison crap to yourself. That is way off base.
You know, CFA gives away coloring BOOKS for kids. Why don’t you go by, pick some up and BURN THEM…. you’ll feel better.
I am pretty competent in 1930′s German history, I understand that you were trying to draw a line in the sand between the boycotts of Jewish stores and everything else the Nazi’s did. As if you can some how magically separate the 2 and make a cogent argument. Furthermore, I dont see any Kristallnacht in the near future, although since you magically used mid-1930′s that doesnt count as it was 1938, right? I think you more meant, it reminds you of the 1933 boycott of Jewish stores, which is a very specific historical event, not your lazy comparison to the Nazi’s in the mid 30s. If you are going to get all angry about specifics, at least have the courtesy to be specific in your original post so that I know what you are referring to.
Itis a terrible comparison. You know it, I know it.
“Oh, right…, except for Dan Cathy or anyone who’s opinion with which you disagree. ”
Where have I said he cant have his opinion? I believe I said he can have any opinion, but as Americans we are free to disagree with his opinion and buy other products.
“You’re comparing religious expression to commerce? WTF? ”
Because this is about commerce. No one said Cathy can’t hate whoever he wants. You are arguing that not buying CFA is the equivalent to being a Nazi in the mid-1930s. Thats not my argument, that is yours, own it.
“And just what “actions” did CFA take? The man just expressed an opinion that you don’t like.”
Expressing an opinion is an action.
“Again you seriously need to do some additional reading. History, and the actions of the Nazis that opened the door to the Holocaust, are really not your strong points.”
No its because Im not living in a fantasy land where I we pretend that the mid-1930′s ended with nothing more than boycotts. Its as if you dont even realize that hypocrisy of your own comparison, you know the Nuremberg laws, which forbade Jew’s from marrying non-Jews (what does that sound like?) Or perhaps you are referring to the LGBT passing a law stripping Cathy’s citizenship? Its as if you are completely ignoring everything that the Nazi’s did, yellow stars, restricting labor. Or maybe you meant to say “1933 Germany” because that was the year of the boycotts.
“And by the way, my Dad was among the 1st American troops in WW2 to free the victims of the Nazi death camps, so you can K.M.A. and keep that Holocaust comparison crap to yourself. ”
That is pretty irrelevant. My Great Uncle died in Normandy, so what. You are the one who decided to compare boycotting CFA to the Nazi party in Germany. Its not my fault that is a terribly weak comparison. And you still havent even addressed the main difference, the Jewish people did nothing to the Nazi party to deserve any boycott.
“You know, CFA gives away coloring BOOKS for kids. Why don’t you go by, pick some up and BURN THEM…. you’ll feel better.”
Sorry, unlike you, I believe in free speech. You can have any opinion, even if its a terrible like comparing CFA to Jews in Germany.
I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Words to live by, even if we disagree.
And I didnt even mention the fact that in 1933 the Nazi’s were in power in Germany, so comparing a boycott led by citizens,to a boycott led by the government is just once again a terrible comparison. You have to remember Hitler, as German Chancellor, declared a national boycott. That is a far cry from regular German citizens organizing, like what is being done against CFA. Unless Obama declared some boycott that I am unaware of?
It took you long enough to Google and brush up on mid 1930s German history. Now that you’ve actually looked and read a little maybe you will sound a little less uninformed in the future, as you do in your response.
So, with that said, what’s good for the goose should be good for the gander. Below is a list of businesses that openly support perversion. Those who choose not to do business with these companies, please vote with your pocket books.
Based on your logic and past posts, I guess you’ll have no problem with me posting this list. Right, Skippy?
Adobe Systems
Allstate Insurance
Amazon.com
American Apparel
American Airlines
Apple
Applebee’s
Ben & Jerry’s
Best Buy-Geek Squad.
Boeing
Clorox Clorox, Brita Filters, Glad Storage Bags, Hidden Valley Ranch, Pine-Sol… The Coca-Cola CompanyCoca-Cola, Fanta, Sprite, Minute Maid, Powerade, Dasani.
Concur Technologies
Costco
Delta Airlines
eBay
Electronic Arts
Ford Lincoln
Gap Banana Republic, Old Navy, Piperlime.
General Mills Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Wheaties, Betty Crocker, Pillsbury, Green Giant, Hamburger Helper
General Motors Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, GMC.
Goldman Sachs
Google Youtube, Zagat.
Hilton Worldwide Hilton Hotels, DoubleTree, Embassy Suites, Hampton Inn, Waldorf-Astoria.
The Home Depot
IMB
Intuit
J.C. Penney
Kraft Foods Cadbury, Kraft, Nabisco, Oreo, Oscar Mayer, Planters
Levi’s
Marriott Hotels Marriott, Renaissance Hotels, Ritz-Carlton, Courtyard Inn, Fairfield Inn.
McDonald’s
Microsoft Windows, Bing, Xbox, Xbox 360.
Nationwide Insurance
Nike Converse
Olive Garden
PepsiCo Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Gatorade, Tropicana, Aquafina, Frito-Lay, Quaker Oats,
PG&E
Proctor and Gamble Bounty, Charmin, Crest, Duracell, Gillette, Old Spice, Pampers, Tide, Vicks,
Qualcomm
RealNetworks, Inc.
Red Lobster
Rite Aid
Sears Land’s End.
Southwest Airlines
Starbucks
State Farm Insurance
Target
United Airlines
UPS
Vulcan Inc.
Walgreens
The Walt Disney Company ABC, ESPN, Pixar, Marvel, Walt Disney Studios, Walt Disney Parks and Resorts,
The Muppets,
No, I was busy writing an article and doing other work. As I am sure you have noticed, I did not even write this article, it is from another author. I’m not going to get into an internet battle over who knew what, because I stand by my original comment, it is a terrible comparison. I didn’t put much time or effort into the first reply, because I assumed you were just trolling and wouldn’t be back. When you came back, I decided to put together a better response.
As you will notice, your list was posted and it was not edited. You would be hard pressed to find someone who is more pro-speech then I am. Feel free to boycott any establishment you please, that is your right.
Today was a good day. I got freebie coupons for Bojangles’ in the mail! Yay!
The Sonic closest to me uses a filet instead of chicken strips on the Chicken Club Toaster.
[...] but I’m loving the replacement referees. Since the head honchos at Flapship only pay me in Bojangles’ coupons and King Size Zero bars (Editor’s note: it’s true), I do have to supplement my [...]