Lunchtime might be my favorite American pastime. So many yummy choices! It sucks to have lunchtime ruined by an unnecessary argument. Chick-fil-A stirred up quite the controversy recently with the closed-minded comments made by CEO Don Cathy against gay marriage. For our readers whose conscience no longer will allow them to enjoy a spicy chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese, slathered in Chick-fil-A sauce and a banana pudding milkshake to drink, allow me to be your guide through the world of guilt-free alternatives to Chick-fil-A fast food chicken sammich choices – available seven days a week.
Guilt-Free Alternatives to Chick-fil-A
Get your fix without the regret! I should know, because I’m an expert with a terrible diet. Full disclosure, I do not indulge in lettuce or tomato – a reasonable amount of mayo is all I want. Who needs salad on your chicken sandwich? Alas, there won’t be a Chilean spiced chicken sandwich from Los Pollos Hermanos on this list. But I bet it would taste DELICIOUS! Those only exist in our dreams, where Gustavo Fring still lives as a zombie. “Franch?” Yes please! Without further ado, here are my chicken sandwich power rankings, sans Chick-fil-A…
I put this one at 5 because this sandwich has the highest shame factor. As in, you shouldn’t eat this in front of other people. Feel free to use the term “shame sandwich” at your leisure. However, never use “Shamewich”, as I’m going to trademark that. This sandwich reminds me of my 40+ year old, 400 plus pound co-worker who lives in his mother’s basement à la Kevin Smith in Live Free Or Die Hard. He can slam two of these in one sitting. Two. He has gout. Gout.
This chicken sandwich is very good though, if you don’t care about dignity. Plus, it fits the needs of the carb counters out there. It features one of my favorite, and criminally underrated combinations of chicken and bacon. Bacon! Plus there’s two kinds of melted cheese, pepper jack and Monterey Jack, and the infamous “secret sauce.”
Bonus side item: Bacon is not enough for you, glutton?! I’d go with the Little Bucket Parfaits. Pudding is life!
This entry may come as a surprise, but with the right ingredients, it can be delicious. The chicken breasts themselves may have an “interesting” texture and flavor, but don’t let that frighten you. This is fast-food we’re talking about here – you have to expect some funk. I think it’s boiled, but definitely pre-cooked.
First of all, I recommend getting this sandwich on Subway’s flat bread. Lower carbs and less bloating afterwards. Don’t forget the bacon! It may cost extra, but it’s so worth it. Melted cheese is a must and since Subway never fucking has Swiss cheese, the second best option is Provolone. Finish it off with either mayo, ranch or Southwest sauce and you’re good to go.
Bonus side item: COOKIES! Only a $1.29 for three? Well, I’ll just have to eat three then, won’t I?
This is a favorite of mine that I only recently discovered. You can never have enough bacon and this is another sandwich that features the heavenly hog. Instead of a filet, this one features three chicken strips to go along with Texas Toast, melted cheese, mayo, nix the lettuce and tomato and BOOM! Sexy flavor explosion all up in your mouth. As a bonus, if you really want to replicate your Chick-fil-A experience, Sonic puts all of their sandwiches in foil pouches.
Bonus side item: It’s Sonic, what is there that you cannot get as a side? How about chili cheese tots with ranch? Tots! Fuck yeah! A slushy? A milkshake? Knock yourself out, that “2:30″ feeling doesn’t come on it’s own!
It pains me to bump this one down from pole position, because I have thoroughly enjoyed these over the years. In my youth, I could easily polish off two at a time. But, in order not to hasten heart problems and high blood pressure, I must only have one. Although Wendy’s has a nice selection of chicken choices, the spicy reigns supreme. It also pains me that the cost of this item has skyrocketed so much. Damn chicken inflation! This one also suffers from a high failure rate when it comes to quality filets. Sometimes you get juicy, sometimes you get chewy. I guess the cooks aren’t reading their massive employee handbooks. Seriously, the handbook is huge.
By the way, I’m terrified that skinny Wendy will sneak up on me like the twisted succubus she seems to be.
Bonus side item: Wendy’s chili is possibly the most amazing thing on planet Earth. It’s spicy, vegetably and meaty. They even give you hot sauce to add to it. Know what they do with the always fresh, never frozen meat they don’t use? That’s right, that’s the meat in the chili. Don’t forget the Frosty, yo!
I sincerely apologize if you do not have a Bojangles’ Famous Chicken ‘n Biscuits near you. That is indeed a tragedy. Google map it and daytrip that SOB. You’ll thank me later. I cannot begin to explain how crazy Bojangles’ has made me. I have the menu app downloaded to my iPhone. Bojangles’ (in my best Chris Traeger inflection) LITERALLY owns my soul. Nevermind the possibly RAYCESS moniker, this is THE chicken sandwich holy grail. Those of you who’ve been fortunate enough to have eaten at the legendary Mrs. Winners will recognize the similarities between their sandwiches and Bojangles’. This one is the simplest sandwich on the list, but loaded with flavor. Not nearly as spicy as Wendy’s, but with just enough zip and a buttery taste that is unmatched. Happy belly time!
Bonus side item: Seasoned medium steak fries! Holy shit!
Honorable mention: Homemade
You can just do it yourself (but who wants to do that?) and buy some chicken filets at the store, bread them and fry them in peanut oil. Peanut oil. That’s the big secret at Chick-fil-A, if you weren’t aware.
Leave your suggestions in the comments below to add to the conversation. How do you get your chicken on at lunchtime?
*The above eating habits are not condoned nor recommended by Flapship.com. They are the opinion of the writer!